Hermione Granger and the Chicken
by wyredsisters
Summary: Harry cheats on Hermione and she does the most likely thing: Gets revenge. Who does she go to? Well George Weasley, of course. Together they think up a really great spell. But reversing it seems to be more of a problem. Hilarious, I promise.
1. Hey

A/N:  You are now reading the first George/Hermione of the wiredsisters.  This story has no hope of being sad, or depressing.  It is just a happy, hilarious bit of fluff that should have you all cracking up.  We wrote this because we didn't have any.

One of us was like "Hey, we don't have a Hermione/George."

And the other was all like, "Well, duh.  That's because Fred is so, so much better."

Then we got into our whole, "is not," "is too," fight and in the end, I won.  I would be the first one, just in case you wanted to know.  Anyway, on with the story.

Disclaimer:  If you believe that J. K. Rowling would ever write something remotely like this, you're an idiot!

Hermione Granger strolled down the hallway on her way to the Great Hall for lunch.  It was Friday, and she could hardly wait to relax by studying in the common room, but she needed to finish her classes first.

As she entered the room, she skimmed the Gryffindor table, searching for the familiar tall frame and red hair of her best friend.  She saw Ron almost immediately.  He was conversing with Harry.

Harry's happy expression mad Hermione's heart jump, as it always did.  She looked at his face and remembered that day at the beginning of the year when he had told her how he felt.

_"Hey, Hermione," Harry said, looking very anxious._

_"Yes."  Hermione barley looked up from her book._

_"I was wondering if...well...you wanted to hangout.  You know, without Ron."  Harry turned a deep scarlet, almost the color of his Quidditch Robes._

_Hermione looked up quickly.  "You mean, like a date?"_

_"Err...yes."  Harry, if possible, turned an even darker red, as he said this in a squeaky quiet voice._

_Hermione, whose cheeks had turned a flattering shade of pink, glanced at the portrait hole of the empty common room.  "Yeah, sure."_

_"Great!" Harry said, looking very relieved.  He leaned over and pecked her on the cheek, before walking back to his dorm room._

Hermione made her way to the table and sat down across from Ron and next to Harry.  "Hey."

"Hey," Harry whispered as he leaned over for a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey!" said Ron.  Trying to get Harry to keep talking to him, Ron hit his arm.

"Hey!" Harry complained, rubbing his arm, accidentally knocking is goblet of pumpkin juice onto Ginny's, who was sitting next to them, lap.

"Hey!"  The four of them burst out laughing at their own limited vocabulary.

"Ron and I were just talking about Fred and Angelina.," Harry explained.

"They've been getting along really well before the Yule Ball last year, but they suddenly don't want to hang out," Ron clarified.

"Maybe they had a fight," Hermione suggested.

"I seriously doubt that," Harry said, more forcefully the Hermione liked.

"I think that Fred told her his feelings and she didn't feel the same way."

"Brilliant, Ginny," Harry exclaimed.  "I bet that is what exactly what happened."

Hermione bit into her sandwich, trying not to look so upset.  After all, what Ginny had said sounded like a fight to her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione made her way into the common room, carrying, as always, an armful of books.  It was almost eleven, which was curfew for the Hogwarts students.

"Biggle Miggle," she said to the fat lady, who opened the portrait whole, leaving Hermione to gasp at the sight that she saw.

Harry and Ginny were locked in a passionate embrace on the couch.  Hermione could see Harry's tongue dancing around the corners of Ginny's mouth, and Ginny was eagerly responding.  The books fell from Hermione's arms, hitting the ground with a large _thump._

Harry's head turned.  "Hermione!"

Ginny covered her mouth with surprise, as Hermione ran from the sight, back to the library.

She threw herself into an easy chair as far in the depth of the library.  Hermione sobbed for a few minutes before a plan passed through her brain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So, Harry cheated on me.  I didn't know what to do, so I went back into the library to think things over.  Then I remembered a book I had read once called When Your Boyfriend Cheats On you: A History, and it said that most women got revenge.  Some called on the forces of darkness, others summoned Vengeance Demons, and others went and asked for help.  I figured that that would be the easiest root, so I came to you."

George Weasley spun around on his chair and put his feet up on a desk.  "I think I can be of some assistance." 

A/N: Yes, our story is the best out there, we know.  Please review and remind us though, cuz we forget easily.__


	2. The Chickenator

"Where's Fred?"

"Fred?  Well, he's helping another client, but I'm here."  George answered Hermione as she sat in his office.  His office was a large closet in the dorm.

  There was a desk with a chair in front of it that Hermione sat in, and two tables on  either side of the desk each with an unknown object beneath a black cloth, and a rolly chair.  Yes, that's right, a rolly chair.  We don't know how he got one, but he had a rolly chair.

"So, any idea on how I can seek revenge?"

"One."

"What?" she asked excitedly.

"We turn him into a girl."  There was a pause.

"It's not evil enough.  He humiliated me; he will pay."

"How about a girl cow?!"

"Now you're talking, but cows are big."

"Yeah, but they go moooooooo."  George said imitating a cow and causing Hermione to become a little scared.

"No."

"How about a goat, but we make it so he can moooooooo?  You know, a mooooooooing goat?!"

"I don't think so, think small, but evil."

George suddenly looked as though he had the best idea in the world.  "Oh, I've got it come back next week, and bring some money," he said ushering her out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Welcome back, Hermione."  George greeted as she walked through the door back into his office one week later.  "I have it."

"What?" she said plopping down in the chair in front of him.

"Well, you see, Harry Potter is a very hard boy to reach.  He did live, you know?  But I have my connections."

"You're his best-friend's brother," Hermione shot.

"Exactly!  It's a connection!  Now, what I was going to do was go with an old witch stereotype and turn him into a frog.  But then I thought that that might not work because you know how well Neville's frog does around here.  Then I thought, 'Hey, what about a newt?'  Of course, if we did that, he might get better.  So, I thought about-"

"George, what are we going to do?" Hermione told him, reproaching his ramblings.

"Well, lets start with the object of our revenge."  George rolled his chair over to the table on his left and removed the black cloth.  "This is the...Chickenator."  He held up a piece of paper.  The paper had a yellowish glow and inspirational music played in the background.

"George, that's a love letter to Angelina."

"Oh," he said, looking at the paper more closely.  "So it is.  Wrong table!" George rolled to the table on his other side and uncovered the black cloth over there.

He held up a neon green plastic water-gun.  "This is the...Chickenator."

A/N:  *Gasp*  You never saw that coming.  REVIEW OR DIE!!!!!  MWHAHAHAHA


	3. Harry's a chicken!

Disclaimer: We own the Chickenator!  That is ours, and the only thing in here that is ours!

Chapter 3

"What's it do?" Hermione asked, looking down her nose at the neon green object in George's hand.

"It turns people into chickens.  Hello!"

"How much?" she asked, carefully reaching out to grasp the Chickenator.

"Twenty Galleons."

Hermione raised an eyebrow.  "How about three?"

"Great!  We're very flexible."

"How does it work?"

George pulled out a sheet of paper, "It says, 'I love you Angelina.  What went wrong?'  Oh, that's Fred's letter again."  This time George pulled out the right instructions.  "'Point at target.  Pull trigger.'  Well that sounds easy enough."

"Great!  Let's go get him!"  
  


"Now?"

"Why not?"

George looked at his watch.  "Because he's eating dinner in the Great Hall."

"That's perfect!  We can embarrass him in front of everybody!"

"We'll get suspended."

"Or even worse: expelled."

"Well, at least you've sorted out your priorities.  Why don't we wait for him to go to his room?  We can hide under his bed, or something."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione and George were standing in the darkened closet of the fifth year boys dorm room.  George had suddenly remembered how good girls smelled, but decided it best not to say anything.

The door to the room opened and Hermione tensed, expecting Harry to walk through the door.  Unfortunately, it was just Dean Thomas, who was, apparently ready for bed as he was changing into his pajamas.

"I have never wanted to see that much of Dean before," Hermione muttered, somehow unable to blink as Dean pulled his pants on.

"And I really wanted to see him in the buff.  I hope Harry gets hear before I have to watch Ron undress," said George, who's eyes were squeezed shut.

Luckily, Harry walked in a few minuets after Dean had tucked himself into bed.

"Ready?" George whispered.

"On three.  One, two, three!"  Together they burst out of the closet and Harry looked up at them.

"What the hell..." he started before Hermione pulled the trigger.

"Harry's a chicken!"  Hermione started to laugh.  "You sure we can turn him back," she said, still laughing.  She looked into George's eyes, and could tell that he wasn't so sure either.

"What?" Dean exclaimed, sitting up in bed.

"You're dreaming, Dean.  Go back to sleep," George ordered and Dean did.

A/N: Yeah, it was short, but the next one will be more eventful.  Stuff will happen!  Oh, and at least we can spell SO! (that was to our flamer, who probably won't be reading his anyways,  but in case she does HA!


	4. Fred's Love Letter

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Yes, we own it.  Go away, and let us hoard our millions.

A/N: Nothing really to say.

"What's the next part of the plan, Hermione?" George whispered, so not to wake Dean again.

"Well, I think we should leave him like this for a week."

"Why?"

Harry clucked indignantly.  He had responded to being turned into a chicken by sitting in awe in front of the mirror.  He seemed to still be able to tell what was going on around him.

"That way he's behind on all of his classes.  He'll have a hell of a time trying to catch up."  Hermione grinned, evilly.

Harry fluffed himself up, huffily.

"Can we keep him in your office?" Hermione asked, still whispering.

Without another word, George scooped Harry up and carried him out of the room.  Harry responded by pecking him angrily once they had left the room.  "OW!" George yelled, because chicken beaks are harder then they look.

Hermione threw her hand over George's mouth.  "Be quiet, will you?" she hissed, but not before they were heard.  A thumping sound from the stairs told them that someone was coming.

For lack of a better plan, Hermione spun George around so he faced the stair case.  She moved herself in front of him, hiding Harry from the view of whom ever was coming.  She then pressed her lips against his just as Ron came up the stairs.

"Oh.  Sorry George," Ron said, a bit embarrassed at just walking in on a snogging session between his older brother and a girl who's face he hadn't seen.  Ron went back down stairs.

As soon as she was sure that Ron wasn't around, Hermione pulled herself from George.  "Let's go."  She turned away from him so he wouldn't see how red her face had become.

As she led the way down the stairs, George was glad that Hermione had turned away, because he had turned red as well.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

George dropped a flustered looking chicken on the floor of his office.  "What are we going to do after this week?" he asked, throwing himself onto his rolly chair.

"I don't know.  Turn him back," Hermione suggested, her eyes watching Harry.  She quickly looked up at George.  "We can turn him back, right?"

George reached over and picked up a piece of paper of his desk.  "It says: --"

"George, you have the right paper this time, don't you?" Hermione interrupted, not wanting another flash of what was going on in Fred's head.

George scanned the paper, before dropping it back on the desk and picking up another paper.

"'To reverse,'" He started, reading aloud.  "' Use Dechickenator, sold at a joke shop near you.'"  He looked up at Hermione.

"You mean we can't turn him back without another piece of crappy joke stuff?" Hermione shouted.

Harry, after hearing this charged Hermione.  He started pecking angrily at her ankles and forced her to pull herself up on the desk.

"I guess Harry's going to be a chicken until our next Hogsmeade trip," George commented.

The door burst open and in walked Fred.  He looked at George, then Hermione and said, "Do we have a customer?"

"A very unhappy customer," Hermione grumbled.

"I'm sure that we ... what's that on your desk, George?"

George looked down to see the love not to Angelina.  "Oh.  Err..."

Fred reached over and snatched it off of his desk.  "Did you read this?" he asked with anger in his eyes.

"No.  Never," George said solemnly.

"Only parts of it," Hermione said.

"What?" Fred exclaimed.

"No, we didn't," George protested.

Fred turned to Hermione.

"Well, all we read was, 'I love you.  What went wrong?'"

Fred turned and grabbed George's head.  After a few moments of the twins fighting, Fred turned and left the office, deciding that he had to go confide in Lee Jordon.

"Why'd you tell him we read that?" George asked, as he conjured up an ice pack for his new black eye.

"Why didn't you create the damn thing to reverse itself?" Hermione shot.

"I didn't create it!  I bought it!"

"Oh, my God," Hermione muttered.

"What?  Did you think that we actually made that?  If we did, don't you think that I wouldn't have had to read the directions?"

"No.  George, Harry's gone."

George looked at the floor to find that, sure enough, Harry was not there.

A/N:  Yes!  We've got a plot!  It's a good one too.  Please review.


	5. Lunch Please

Chapter 5

A/N:  It's here!  It's here at last, another chapter to Hermione Granger and the Chicken!  Aren't you all so excited!  Remember, after you read this, we're half done!

"What are we going to do?" Hermione cried.

"We're going to think about this calmly and rationally," George said after taking a few deep breaths.  He then started to cry.  "We've killed Harry!"

"No!  No, no, no.  He'll be fine.  We just have to find him," Hermione said, calmly and rationally.

They exited the office quickly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm hungry," George complained.

"We have more important things to deal with.  We lost Harry!" Hermione said, glaring at him.  It was the day after the chicken incident and they had been searching ever since that night.

"But it's lunch time!  We should be eating lunch!" George complained some more.

"Hey, I wanted to eat breakfast when it was breakfast, but you said we shouldn't!"

"That's not what I said!  I said we should wait to eat until lunch."

"No, you didn't!" Hermione screamed.  She let out a frustrated groan and ran her hands through her hair.  

"Well...maybe not!  But I said that under the assumption that we would have lunch!"

"Assuming makes an ass-"

"I didn't even say assume!" George interrupted.

"You said assumption and that's the same thing."

"Listen, it's been twelve bloody hours since we last ate.  Couldn't we at least have a snack?"

"NO!" she shouted.

"But I'm hungry!"

"I don't care!

"You are so annoying!"

"You're infuriating!"

Their eyes locked.  They hadn't realized that during the argument they had been moving steadily towards each other.  But they noticed now.

An unsure silence fell across them as George reached over and brushed a lock of Hermione's bushy hair behind her ears.  "Hermione," he breathed.

"Hello, Hermione!" said Seamus, a bit too cheerfully.  George quickly backed away from the girl, blushing furiously.

"Yes, Seamus," Hermione responded.

"You look absolutely gorgeous today!  I mean, wow!  Words like stunning, magnificent, glorious,...err...anyone got a thesaurus."

"What do you want, Seamus?" Hermione asked, a bit annoyed now.

"Well, I was just wondering if you finished your potions essay."

"As a matter of fact, I have."  Hermione put her hands on her hips and glared.

"Well, I was wondering if I could look at it.  Alone.  With some parchment.  And a quill.  And maybe a little coping spell..."

"No," she said firmly.

"But..."

"You heard her, Finnigan.  Go do your own work!" George yelled, getting annoyed with the whole conversation.

"Alright," said a very depressed looking Irish man.

"But before you go," Hermione started again.  "Have you seen...a chicken?" she said with a perfectly straight face.

"Well, as a matter of fact, I had some delicious chicken for lunch."  Seamus then turned and left.

"George, this is bad," Hermione started.

"I know.  We could have eaten that chicken."

"George, who are we looking for?" Hermione nudged George along to bring him up to speed.

They looked at each other and simultaneously gasped.  "Harry."

A/N:  Dun, dun, dun.  Did the school really eat Harry Potter?  Find out in the next chapter of, 'Hermione Granger and the Chicken.'


	6. Fred Showing Up at the Wrong Time Again

A/N: This one's pretty long compared to out other chapters.  Enjoy.

Disclaimer:  No, we did not miraculously become J. K. Rowling in the past few weeks.  Sorry.

Chapter 6

Hermione and George raced down the hallways to the kitchens.  After tickling the pear, they rushed inside.  Immediately, twenty house elves were at their feet.

"The usual, Mr. Weasley?" squeaked an elf holding a pad of paper.

"Yes.  Except with a side of fried potatoes instead of mashed today.  And I would like it so I could eat it while moving," George said in as if he was ordering in a restaurant.  Hermione's hand struck is arm.  "Ow!  I told you I was hungry!"

"How can you talk to them like that?  You act like they work for you!" she screeched, slapping his arm again, and not in a friendly matter.

"They like to work for people!  But that is not why we are here, remember?  Thank you," he added when the elf handed him a bag that supposedly had food in it.

"You are not going to eat that!" Hermione said, snatching it from him.

"Of course, how rude of me."  He turned towards the elves.  "Get me a few chocolate éclairs for Miss Granger, as well."  He then snatched the bag back, reaching inside and pulling out a sandwich.

Hermione groaned in frustration.

"Now, for the reason we're here.  We would like to ask you where you get your chickens," George said through his turkey sandwich, as the house elves handed Hermione a plate piled up with éclairs.

"Well, Mr. Weasley," Dobby piped.  "Hogwarts orders them from a poultry farm near here.  They produce fine chicken that are slaughtered and packaged before being shipped here.  Some are even boned.  Dobby's old master made Dobby behead the chickens.  Dobby is very glad that he no longer has to clean up the blood from the birds.  The turkeys and chickens run around after they lose their heads.  And then Dobby had to pull out all of their feathers..."  Dobby would have continued except for George spit out a mouthful of turkey onto the floor and his words were drowned out by the elves rushing to clean it up.

"I'm going vegetarian," George muttered.

"That's wonderful, Dobby.  If you found a chicken running around Hogwarts, you wouldn't cook that, would you?" Hermione said, taking over for George.

"No.  It could be the property of Master Hagrid,"  Squeaked another elf.

"Thank you, Dobby," Hermione said, grabbing Georges's arm and pulling him out.

"The usual," she muttered angrily as she stormed down the hallway.

"Wha?" George said thickly through a mouthful of potatoes.

(A/N:  That is not misspelled.  He has a mouth full of potatoes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hermione!  Nice ter see ya.  You too, George.  What can I do for ya?" Hagrid greeted as he invited the pair into his home.

"Well, Hagrid, this may seem like an odd question, but have you seen a chicken running around outside?"

"As a matter o' fact, I have."  He began to walk towards the chicken coop.  "Found the poor girl runnin' aroun' by my house.  Figured she was one o' mine.  She yours?"

"It's a h--" George started before Hermione elbowed him in the ribs to shut him up.  He glared at her.

"She's Professor McGoganal's.  She leant her to us so we could practice for the NEWTs and OWLs.  She accidentally escaped," Hermione lied.  

"Well, don' know if you'll be able t' tell which one's yours.  Maybe McGoganal can't either."

"Thanks, Hagrid," Hermione said.  Hagrid pulled open the door to the coop and all three entered.

They had no problem finding Harry, because he charged them as soon as they entered.

"That's hi... err, her.  She never liked us much," George explained.  He gathered Harry up in his arms, avoided being bit, thanked Hagrid, and the two of them left.

They had entered the office before either of them said anything.  It was George who started, after he dropped the chicken into a cage that he had conjured up for him.

"Why do you have to be so violent?" he complained.

"Why do you have to be so stupid?"

"Okay, so I make a mistake or two, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid!"

"Fine!  It means you lack common sense!"

"And you're so perfect..."

"What was that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," George said simply, throwing himself into his rolly chair.  "Not a bloody thing.  Except that you act like I'm the only one who has faults!"

"I never..."

"Don't you even start with that!  You know as well as I do that you are a snob!"

Hermione's eyes widened as she looked at him in complete shock.  They then narrowed as anger consumed her.  "Sure I am, George.  Just like you are an idiot. I may be stuck up, but I am NOT brainless."

George stood up so quickly that his chair flew backwards into the wall.  He took a few strides so he was toe to toe with her, and he did this all very angrily.  He took a few deep breaths and said, "I have never come so close to hitting a girl."

"Is that supposed to scare me?  Because - " Hermione never got to say why that didn't scare her, because at that very moment, George grabbed her elbows.  He pulled her to him and pressed his lips against hers.

At first, Hermione was too shocked to do anything.  Then, she brought her hands up to his shoulders and immersed herself into the kiss.  

"Well, look at this," said a voice from the door way.  The very amused voice of Fred Weasley, that is.

A/N:  Could we leave you in a worse spot?  Hope this chapter was funny enough, because the last one really wasn't.   But that's just my opinion.

Okay, next chapter they go to get the Dechickenator.  We also deal with some suspicious people about where Harry went.


	7. The Trip to Hogsmeade

A/N:  Wow!  People like this story better then they like It's not Easy Being Green!  Anyone who's read both, want to comment on that?  We think it's a bit odd.  Anyways, here's the chapter.  That is, after a quick notice from our disclaimer.

Disclaimer:  We don't own 'Mione or George

                     And we will never cross the gorge 

                     That would pay us money for our

                     stories, that we write by the hour.

Chapter 7

Hermione roughly pushed herself away from George.  He backed into the desk and stifled his yell of pain.

"Just a customer, eh?" Fred joked (A/N:  surprising, huh), raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up, Fred," George said in a strained voice as he resisted the urge to rub his backside because of the pain the desk had inflicted upon it.

"Well, at least now I know why she was unhappy," he said with a sly grin.

Hermione fixed that as she strode over and slapped him across the face.

"Like 'em feisty, George?  Well, I'll leave you two then."  He strode out the door before he could be hit again, which was a possibility because both Hermione and George were moving toward him just then.

"So," Hermione started when the door was safely shut.  "We'll get the Invisibility Cloak and go down to Hogsmeade tonight.  We'll sneak into Zonko's and get the Dechickenous, or whatever.

"It's the Dechickenator and we can't do that.  We don't want to make any of the people who work at Zonko's suspicious.  We'll just have to wait until Saturday when the school goes down."

Hermione did not blush as one might expect she would do at being wrong.  After all, Hermione Granger was never wrong.  Instead, she just shrugged.  "That'll do.  It's only three more days."  She turned and grasped the knob, pulling the door open in a fluid movement.

"Hermione," George called from the desk just as she was about to step outside.  She turned to face him.  "You can't just pretend it didn't happen," he continued.

"I can, and I will," she said simply before shutting the door behind her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Those three days passed by quickly.  George took care of feeding Harry and cleaning his cage, yet he did not do it without grumbling.  Hermione ignored him in the common room, making up excuses whenever he came over.

But the time came when they both had to meet.  It was in front of Zonko's on Saturday.  Hermione had come up to the door to find George staring at the door.

"Hey," he said, when he sensed someone behind him.

"Hey.  You going in?" Hermione answered.

George paused.  "The clerk's gone.  'Out to lunch', says the sign.  It says he'll be back in about a half an hour."

"I guess we'll just have to wait then," she said, taking a seat on the front step.

"We could wait in Three Broomsticks.  I'll buy you a butterbeer," he said with surprising confidence.

Hermione didn't answer right away.  She stared at him a while, thinking it over.  She looked into his eyes and that's when she felt the slight jolt in her stomach.  "Sure," she said standing up quickly.

The Three Broomsticks was, of course, filled with students.  When they entered, Hermione strode to a dark corner but not for the reason one might suspect.

"Oh, I get it.  You want to get me in the dark," George said with a sly nod.  Hermione did not say anything.  "So, are we going to talk?" he asked after they had sat down.

"I don't know."

"Well, we should talk."

"I said, I don't know."

"Well, you're not being helpful," George said, trying not to yell.  He was succeeding, but was still very loud.

"I...I..." Hermione let out a groan.  "I don't know if I can do this."

"Why not?" George said in a caring voice.

"It's just...not me."

"Not like you to what?  Have a boyfriend?"

"Well...yeah," Hermione looked down at the table.

George reached over and gently grabbed her hand.  He cupped her chin with the other hand, bringing her to eye level.  They sat like that for a while, staring into each other's eyes.

"So, shall we fix Harry?" George said, breaking the spell.

"Is the store manager back yet?" Hermione asked.

"Well...yes, because I made that up."  George grinned his adorable grin.  Hermione playfully hit him, and together they made their way back to Zonko's.

A/N:  Anyone wondering exactly what Harry's gonna say when he comes back.  You'll never guess what its gonna be!


	8. The Chicken is Harry!

A/N: Last chapter.  We're really sorry about taking so long to update, but Ruth went to camp for a week, and she had to be here for us to update.  Then I had to wait for her to finish the book.  Then we had to brainstorm new fanfiction ideas.  Never mind.  Hope you like the chapter.

Disclaimer:  We made up the Dechickenator and the Chickenator.  We also made up the plot that makes this whole story in the same world as OOtP.  At least it should.  Hope we didn't offhandly mention Sirius in this... 

Chapter 8

George carefully took the top off the cage that the chicken was in.  He took aim and pulled the trigger on the Dechickenator.  In a few moments, the chicken was no longer in there but --

"Hi, I'm Bob," said the unfamiliar boy, his hands covering between his legs.  (A/N: Come on!  You didn't think they'd appear fully clothed, did you?)

"Bob?" muttered George.

"Yeah, I was turned into a chicken about three years ago.  Thank you so much for rescuing me."

Needless to say, both Hermione and George were in shock.  "Sorry, we're looking for our friend."  Hermione reached behind the desk and pulled back the Chickenator.  She pulled the trigger and after some amazing special affects, Bob was a chicken again.

"We got the wrong chicken," George told himself, picking up Bob and putting him back into the cage.

"Do you think Harry's still at Hagrid's?"

"I don't know.  But, Hermione, can we bring a towel before we change Harry back?"

"Good idea.  We'll start at Hagrid's and see if we can find him there."

Hermione, George, and Bob the chicken left the office and headed off to Hagrid's hut.  They were walking down the corridor just outside of the Gryffindor common room when they heard a clucking sound.

"Bock, bock, bock, bock!"

Dropping Bob the chicken's cage on the ground, the George and Hermione raced around the nearest corner to see who was making the noise.  Sure enough, crouched in a corner was (A/N: Daniel Jackson!  Just kidding.) Harry.

Harry was cornered in this corner by none other then Neville Longbottom.  "Hey, guys, check out the chicken."

"That's our chicken!" George yelled.

"Is not!  I found her!" Neville yelled back and continued to try to pick up the chicken.

"It's not a _her!  _It's a-"

Hermione elbowed George before he could finish that statement.  "Neville, we need it for Transfiguration.  We borrowed her from Professor McGogonal."

 "You did not!"  Neville finally succeeded in scooping Harry up and tucking him under one arm.  "She never loans out animals; I asked her once!"

"Just give us the chicken, Longbottom!" George shouted, moving menacingly towards Neville.

Without another word, Neville reached into his robes, brought out his wand, and hexed George with the leg-locker curse.

"That was amazing Neville!  How did you do that?" Hermione exclaimed, steadying George who was about to topple over.

"The DA," Neville said simply.

"You can't be in the DA.  There is no DA.  Because, if their was one, that would mean that this is in cannon with the fifth book.  That would mean that Harry was dating Cho.  He's not dating Cho!  Hermione and Ginny, but not Cho," George reminded them, swaying precariously.

"No, this is my sixth year.  You see, you and Fred decided that since Umbridge was gone, you would finish your seventh year.  Neville learned curse that last year," Hermione explained, bringing this fanfiction to the OOtP world.  "But this is irrelevant."  Hermione quickly pulled out her wand, stunned Neville, grabbed Harry, fixed George's legs, and that was that.

They brought Harry back to the office, leaving Bob the chicken free to roam the hallways.

"Okay, hold him still," Hermione said, pointing the Dechickenator carefully.  She aimed well, because soon, there was no chicken.  Harry was standing there, a towel held around his waist.

He looked from Hermione to George.  His mouth opened and closed, as if he was going to say something, but thought better of it.  He seemed to be thinking of the right words.  Finally, it came out.  "You two suck."

A/N:  Thank you, everyone!  This was one of our most popular fics and we're sorry that it's over and people will stop reviewing to it!  We'd write another chapter, but it would get way too fluffy.  If you really want and epilogue, though, just tell us...in a review!


	9. Snogs and Laughter

Chapter 9

A/N:  Watch out, this is gonna get fluffy!

"George, where are we going?"  Hermione asked yet again, as George held her hand leading her outside.

"I already told you.  It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises." she said grumpily following him.

"Then you obviously haven't had a proper one."

"What'd you have in mind?" she asked as they continued walking.  But a mischievous glint in his eyes were her only answer as the walked the rest of the way in silence.

Now it was evening, during super to be exact.  He lead her to a large oak tree that stood on the edge of the pond.  He wordlessly started to climb, and she trustingly followed.

Slowly she realized that there was something else in the trees.  Resting on two sturdy branches was a picnic basket.  Hermione smiled.

They each reached a branch near the basket and looked out over the pond.  Hermione gasped, it was breathtaking!

Soon they began to eat.  George had brought out dinner in the basket.

"So why are we up here?" Hermione asked George.

"Can't a guy do something nice for his girlfriend?"  George grinned.  Hermione smiled.  She was his girlfriend!

"I'm not complaining, only interrogating."

""Well, I heard this song once, it goes like this:

"George and Hermione

Sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G"  He smiled again.

Without another word Hermione connected their lips and wrapped her arms around him.  Realizing that he was a much better kisser than Harry.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry stormed into the common room.  His eyes were a mixture of hurt and confusion.  He was also kicking himself for falling for such a stupid plot.  Being turned into a chicken!  It's ridiculous.  He momentarily wondered what Aunt Petunia would say if she knew, but his thoughts were interrupted by Ron's voice.

"Hey, Harry!  Where've you been?  Haven't seen you in ages," he called from his very comfortable position on the couch.

"Ron, you'll never believe what just happened."

"Were you attacked by You Know Who?" Ron sat up very quickly.

"No, I was-"

"Kidnapped by Draco Malfoy?"  
  


"No."

"Called to a secret Order meeting?"

"No!"

"Well, where have you been then?  Those were my only three guesses."  
  


"For the last week or so, I was a chicken," Harry finally said.

You can probably imagine the reaction on Ron's face.  He stared at Harry unbelievingly for a moment, before he started laughing.  "A chicken!"  
  


"Shut up!  It's not funny!" Harry shouted.

"No, its hilarious!" Ron said, still laughing.  "A chicken!"  After several minuets of Ron laughing, calming down, and then laughing again, he finally put on a straight face.  "So, how exactly did you become... a chicken!" he said, started to laugh uncontrollably again.

"Hermione and your brother turned me into one!" Harry yelled at him.  

"They did?" Ron was suddenly very calm.  "How?"

"It was this plastic thingy.  I don't know how, but they did!"

"Why?" Ron promptly looked rather suspicious.  

"Well...because...I was...you see..." Harry stuttered.  Thankfully, he did not have to tell Ron that he was cheating on Ron's best friend with Ron's sister, because Hermione walked into the common room just then.  

"Hey, Ron," Hermione said sitting on an armchair across from him.

"Hey, Hermione, where were you at dinner?"

"Sitting in a tree and snogging with your brother." she answered with a smile.

"I hear you too have been busy lately."  Ron commented, as Hermione grinned.  "A chicken?" Ron asked, his eyebrows raised.  Hermione started to giggle, and this started Ron up again.

"Fine, laugh about it.  But I'm never gonna be able to eat chicken again!"  And with that, Harry ran from the room.

A/N:  The story's over.  I'm glad you all enjoyed it.  It's probably one of our most popular stories.  We only got two flames, which is not a record, but that's 109 good reviews which is pretty good for us.

Anyways, we'd like to thank everyone who did not flame us for being nice and being fellow humor lovers.  If you'd like to read any other good humor stories.  WE would like to recommend, "Nobody's Fool" by us.  It's hilarious, we promise.


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